February 21, 2011

Bad Company....

                 I've spent the last few months really taking a hard look at the people i have allowed in my life, and have come to the conclusion that it is true, some people are a season, some are a reason, and some are a lifetime. 
What i had a chance to recognize this weekend, is that even though some are just for a reason or a season... it doesn't make them or the relationship you shared any less than what you have shared with a 'lifetime' friend. 
Besides, let's not forget, people change. You have. So will the friendships we have. Not everyone will make it to the finish line with you, they aren't meant to. Take what you have learned from each person you encounter and keep the positive, extract the negative. It's unfortunate that we sometimes get caught up in the 'bff' BS and by doing that almost cut ourselves off from growing and developing other friendships... which makes that a toxic situation.. versus a toxic friend. 
Then there are times that a "cut off" is just SO necessary!! Not all friendships or relationships are going to be perfect.. but that doesn't mean that they should be horribly dysfunctional or toxic either! Here's a few 'hints' i have discovered that might prompt you to ditch the friend who seems to always bring ya down!! If you have a friend that falls into one of these.... you might think about the ditch sitch!

 You are only a 'convenience' friend.  
I know you know what i'm talking about too haha...they only call you or wanna make plans when their 'usual' crowd is either away, busy, has a new bf/gf, or is basically not available to go out, that's when YOU get a call. Never be anyone's 'back-up'; Your friendship is worth just as much as their 'regulars' and if they only call when those are not around then it's time to....ditch that friend!! 
 When Criticism isn't 'constructive' anymore. 
 We all need support, that's never been disputed, but what we don't need is someone who thinks that they are the end all and know all of anything and everything under the sun, and bringing it to the table in a rude and 'know-it-all' manner. the worst is when your 'friend' leads with a backhanded compliment followed with un-constructive observations. That's not support... that's attempted superiority... and for that... you need to ditch that friend!! 
 Danger is their FIRST name
Kinda common sense... but you know what i say about that; 'There's nothing common about common sense'! I'm not talking about staying home every night and being in bed by 730 pm, but if there' always a fight or accident or major ruckus surrounding your friend every time they step out the door.. it might be time to grow up a little and find some safer cohorts!! So if your 'friend' is continually putting your life or well being in jeopardy... and unless you have a death wish... it's really time to ditch that 'friend' 
 They keep your Name on their lips... All the TIME. 
It's hard, I'll admit it, to not talk about people and gossip. I mean i'm a  GIRL for sobbing out loud and gossiping is almost second nature to us, but that doesn't make it right nor do we like it when it happens to us. I recently found out some of the things a 'friend' had been saying about me through the last few years, and quite frankly she's lucky i'm laid back, calm, cool and collected, otherwise i'd be writing this from a 'supervised' locale!! hahaha!! Just joshin!
 All kidding aside, if you have a friend who has been proven to be a trash talker or does foul things behind your back... well my friends.. It's time to ditch that friend. STAT. 
  It's all about Initiative 
In this day and age of technology, there should be no excuse as to why a friend never calls or checks in with you on the regular. I'm not talking about a novel letter each and every day, but if YOU are the only person initiating convos and outings....your friend isn't being a trueby!! Friendships are like any relationship... you need two to tango. If you aren't receiving the love and attention from your friend that you put out there for them.... well it's time to Ditch that friend!!! 
 The Jelly Bean!! 
We ALL have one of these, whether we know it or not. This friend is never happy about good and positive thing in your life, especially if it cuts into 'their' time and attention.  Like when you get a bf/gf, all you hear is how they don't like them or they always talk about the negative things about the relationship.  Oh i feel i should warn you about the jelly belly biter too... SERIOUSLY. These are the folks who talk shit about you, but then a week later you see they same status or same outfit or something... you have done coming from their wherever lol. It's a bit sad and confusing actually... why talk shit and then be a copy, but whatever creams your Twinkie!  Guess that falls under the ' Things that make you go Hmmmm' category. ... but it's not you.... it's them.. and you need to ditch that friend!!! TODAY! ha. 

As important as it is to recognize the friends who might fall into one or more of these categories... it's also important to be mindful of your OWN character and friendships!! BE HONEST!! if you have something to say to a friend... say it. If something's bothering you... address it before it's past the prime and a 'cut off' happened without anyone's consent! Don't be one of these kinds of friends.... be the kind that is supportive, caring, loyal, and most of all who appreciates the positive friends they DO have!! 
Hug a friend 

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